my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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