yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize