Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize