I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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