pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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