Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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