dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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