im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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