ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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