She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize