Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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