he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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