the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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