I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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