we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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