i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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