I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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