somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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