She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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