At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize