if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize