i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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