i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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