the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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