Screwed.edu
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize