eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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