i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize