Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize