shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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