I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think i got beer on your cat.
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