who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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