I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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