Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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