i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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