it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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