Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize