Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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