i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
