If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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