she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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