I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize