the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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