I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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