I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize