There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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