I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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