I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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