im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My life is pants optional.
Randomize