I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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