I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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