i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize