Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize